ARTICLES

Say Goodbye to Mom-Inspired Guilt and Get on with Life

Especially as their mothers begin to age or pass away, many women find themselves feeling bad about all the things that went unsaid and are plagued with thoughts such as “Could I have done more to help her? Should I have offered more unconditional love, better care or made different decisions?”

Those feelings of guilt bleed into other relationships and aspects of life, perhaps making you feel over sensitive or over responsible to the point where you will do anything to make those around you happy. How can you escape the grasp of guilt and start savoring every moment to the max?

“Guilt is a hefty emotion to deal with,” says Lisa R. Delman, author of “Dear Mom, I’ve Always Wanted You to Know: Daughters Share Letters from the Heart” (Perigee Books, $16.95 www.LisaDelman.com). “By never letting go of the blunders of yesterday, we remain stuck in pain and can’t feel justified moving on.”

Delman is the founder of the international Letters from the Heart Project ®. Inspired by her cathartic letter-writing experience after her mother suffered a near-fatal heart attack, Delman invited other women to write a letter to their mother (alive or deceased) and received over a thousand emotion-packed letters from women around the globe.

Recognizing the universal transformative power of letter writing, Delman encourages those struggling with guilt to write a letter to their mother, whether she is alive or not. This exercise in writing helps release the guilt and resolve hurts.

To write your letter, find a quiet space and get comfortable. Think about the issues you’d like to resolve with your mom and what kind of relationship you’d like to have with her. Ponder the qualities you dislike about her as well as the ones you admire. Allow yourself plenty of time to write.

While you can’t erase agonizing mistakes, you do deserve to forgive yourself and begin again. So begin your letter today! And start looking forward without feeling guilty about the past.
 

Easing Daughter-Mother Tension
10 Ways to Open Your Heart to Mom

(Miami, FL) - From Manhattan to the Middle East, women all over the world find relationships with their mother often fraught with conflict and tension. Even celebrities like Meg Ryan, Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore have had openly strained relationships with their mothers.

Unfortunately, that conflict often has a profound impact upon many other aspects of your life. That’s why it’s vital you discover how to reconnect with your mom in a safe way and find freedom from the anger, hurt, resentment or unfulfilled expectations as well as unearth possibilities for healing and growth.

"Your relationship with your mother is instrumental in determining the direction of your life,” says Lisa R. Delman, author of Dear Mom, I’ve Always Wanted You to Know: Daughters Share Letters from the Heart (Perigee, $16.95, www.LisaDelman.com). "The more you heal that relationship, the more you heal yourself."

Delman is the founder of the international Letters from the Heart Project ®. Inspired by her cathartic letter-writing experience after her mother suffered a near-fatal heart attack, Delman invited other women to write a letter to their mother (alive or deceased) and received over a thousand emotion-packed letters from women around the globe.

Today Delman continues to encourage women to put pen to page and articulate emotions about their mother. Here she shares ten tips you can use to write your own heart-felt letter to mom:

1. HONOR YOURSELF
Acknowledge your courage to articulate your emotions on paper, and grow from your willingness to write the letter.

2. RECONNECT TO YOUR HEART
Relax and create a quiet, private space to write. Perhaps choose a favorite place in nature, listen to soothing music, or enjoy your favorite food or tea.

3. CREATE A DESIRED OUTCOME
Think beyond your present image of your mother. If you are encountering challenges with your relationship, be open to experiencing her in a new light.

4. EXPRESS FEELINGS HONESTLY
Choose one or two emotions when you think of your mother, write about them, and describe what you learned about yourself through this process.

5.APPRECIATE ALL THE MEMORIES
Jot down up to five memories you have about your mother. Recall defining moments, challenging times, or particular gestures.

6. EXPLORE DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES
Write down five or more things you've noticed about yourself and your mother when you think of her in various roles.

7.THINK FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION
Jot down five behaviors or belief systems within your family that have been passed down from generation to generation.

8.GO BEYOND STEREOTYPICAL EXPECTATIONS
Jot down five expectations you have now or once had with your mother.

9. MAKE CHALLENGES YOUR GREATEST GIFTS
Write down five resentments you have about your mother, then look at your challenges with your mother as gifts and write down what you discovered.

10. CAPTURE THE MOMENT
Once you have examined your relationship with your mother from new perspectives and opened your heart, begin your letter.

Writing to your mom will help you release past hurts and experience a positive shift in yourself and your relationships. So what are you waiting for? Dust off that notebook, sharpen that pencil, and begin the process of healing!